Sunday, 6 September 2009


RIP Mama - Mrs Doris Mary Duckmanton (25/10/1917 - 03/09/09 aged 91 years)

My beloved Grandmother passed away this week. Aged 91, she been born in WW1 and lost a brother in WW2. She'd raised a loving and close family, worked hard - and although not having much enjoyed life to the maximum. As a small child I used to go and stay with her at the weekends (eventually we moved in with her when i was six); she used to lift me out of the bath and carry me to the coal fire burning in th living room; used to make me brush my teeth with soap, and she gave me beef with wobbly bits on. Mama taught me right from wrong; to work hard and you will be rewarded in time; my grandma taught me how to be the person I am today.

She smiled, she sang, she made the best scones ever. She was loved my everyone who met her; as many of my friends have told me this last few days, She was a legend!!! I miss her so much already, I will love her eternally.
It shocked me. Even at her age, with all the set backs she's ever had she's been strong. For the past few years she has suffered, and deteriorated badly, with dementia. It was awful to see it happen, to lose yourself in that way. I pray she didn't suffer, that she knew nothing of what happened to her.
The worst part was getting the call. My dad calling me at 6.30am mean't one thing and one thing only. I knew before he even said it. Not being there hurt me. Having lived with her virtually all my life and now to be living here and unable to be there that instant, hurt me so bad. I thank god I had only visited a few days previously. I got to sit by her side, hold her hand, see her smile, her blue eyes twinkle and I got to kiss her goodbye. She even kissed my OH as we left, that was something she'd never done! I turned to look at her one last time that day, I don't know why, but she was smiling at me, waving and saying "see you," do you think that someway, somehow she maybe knew? Maybe fate made me look back again, am so pleased I did. That look on her face, that smile will live in my memory for always.

Timing is everything. I guess. My lovely grandma, went to heaven the day before my birthday. The sad part being the card I knew my mum had already sent to me, the white envelope looking at me from the coffee table, held birthday wishes from my grandmother, already at rest. I will treasure it for ever.

I am sad, mostly, that she will not be there for my wedding. My thoughts over the last few weeks whilst arranging photographers were that I definately wanted a picture of me and her, in my wedding dress, her smiling and proud. It hurts that that won't become a reality. She liked my OH. She used to smile, rub his bald head and laugh. I know she approved, and I know that, 6 months today, she will be with me, watching me and guiding me on my wedding day.

Sorry to be so ... down. Believe me when I say I am very sad, but also that I treasure the happy times and celebrate her long and wonderful life. I was honoured to have her, to know her and to be loved by her. I will do her proud, and watch out for that twinkle.

With love xx