Sunday, 29 March 2009

The joy of the fair...

Today is the perfect spring day.
The sun is shining, birds are chirping - there is still a cool nip in the air but nothing like the past few weeks. The trees are changing, tiny buds are appearing and the air seems to be fresh. Is it optimism I can smell in the air?

It must just be me. The spring season arrives and my mood lifts. I feel happy, brighter and everything just feels positive. Its the start of something totally new.

Today we went to our first wedding fair since our engagement. It was fantastic! All the beautiful dresses, the gorgeous suits, jewellery, flowers and so much more. I now want everything!! We have a lot to do but I like to be uber organised so I am starting early!

I loved the excitement, the romance of it all. Looking forward to the most life changing event I will have experienced - working at making the day everything I want it to be!

"I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery."
GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter to Burwell Bassett, May 23, 1785

Oh the dresses... they were gorgeous! I hasten to add I am not a typically girly girl.. I dont like skirts or dresses or pretty sparkly things. I never have. But this is one dress I want to wear and I want to be pretty, I don't mind the sparkles... I want to lace and trim... One day only I will be the princess!

Work wise - I have a job! Ive been in this new role for a week, I like it, people are nice and I am in no position no complain. I have learnt things and have so many more to learn yet but I am eager and will do it. I do have this fabulous dress in mind!

I was getting down in the dumps. Before I got this job I was getting depressed, not medically but in terms of my mood. I was far more "down" than I let anyone know. I hated being ..nothing. It was hard, I sympathise with everyone in the same position. Applying for anything and everything - no matter what, where or how much. Sending CVs and hearing no thanks repeatedly hammers down any esteem you have. To spend time filling in forms to get a letter of rejection almost stops a beat of your heart.

Nobody can make it feel better. Nothing but getting a job can make it hurt less. To feel like your no good, usless even. To everyone- I say keep trying. Keep on. I can't say something will come along, but I can say you may get a thicker skin, rejection won't sting but be just a dull ache. Try and try again, try until you dont think you have anything left inside of you.

It may be three steps forward and two back... but it still means you get there right. Just takes longer!!

Monday, 16 March 2009

I want to do something.

I feel a little restless. I want to be doing something, but then again I don't know what. I'm looking forward to getting into this new job. One more week of doing nothing then I'll be back into the monotonous routine again. To think I used to be bored of getting up and going into the office , every single dayit seems ridiculous that I am looking forward to getting back into it.

Realistically I have been unemployed for five weeks, in the modern climate this is hardly any time, and although I was fed up, getting rather down in the dumps and miserable- I've worked hard at getting something else. I made phone calls, filled in a million forms, sent out CVs galore.. and it has paid off. I got several interviews, and more than one job offer in the end. The job I am starting had 100 applicants. ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE applied for a simple admin job in a HR department. I got it, and yes that gave me a buzz. I liked to think that my skills and personality set me out from the rest. Its a big achievement in todays world. I always used to say there is a job out there if your willing to do anything - sometimes we have to do things we don't really want too, I know now it is harder. Now it is impossible it seems which is why I am thankful. People just have to perservere, keeping applying and keep trying. Keep morale up as much as you can, goodness knows I am a happy person, I don't get glum too much but spending days on end with no response and no luck would make anyone feel low. Good Luck to everyone still searching!
“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” - Winston Churchill.

Some things in my life are beyond my control. Situations arise and stuff happens that I will never be able to stop, as much as I wish I could. This doesn't change how much I care, love and does not make me want to live a different life. I may feel scared sometimes but not out of what could happen, or the feeling I can not handle it, I can. I am not scared for me. I just want things to be alright. Love is love, and loving someone is beautiful. My life is taking its own path, I won't stop it for I do believe in fate. Fate has given me so many things, actions that were not in my control or choices I made have enabled my life to be enriched with good people, places and feelings.

I love a wonderful man. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile. He protects me and keeps me safe. He loves me for the girl I am and the woman he's helping me be. I know his smile, I can read his eyes and know what he thinks. He is my best friend, a soul mate and someone I will spend eternity with. True love, no complications and never expectations. We were made to be together - we fit like pieces in a puzzle. I am lucky. People sometimes go through life and don't feel this way. I will always feel this way, I have everything I want. I don't need more.

Onwards I go, more wedding planning needed. Less than a year until our big day - how on earth will I manage to wear a dress all day?!?

Love for now. xxx

Wednesday, 11 March 2009


No words, yet noise fills the air.
I look at you and in my head I can talk forever.
In reality I have nothing left no words can be uttered.
No cutting remarks can I utter
under my breath or at the top of my voice.
Why should I.

I have feelings, I have emotion and passion,
I have love. I feel love.
Every beat of my heart pumps adrelin around my tired body;
I can not fight. I don't really want too.
I just want to be back in those arms

Light will be a day new.
Where this shall all be but a distant memory.
Be gone and bring my love back to me.

My Saint Valentine.

Valentine, you are my heart.
An angel with devoted love to part.
Our day is marked for all to see,
The moment you fell in love with me.
A crisp February day, so clear,
You told me I would be forever dear,
The One for you, Your sweet-heart true.
That you had me, and I’d always have you.
You left that morn, with wings of gold,
You left me with no one to hold.
But from my eyes no tears would weep,
For I know I had your heart to keep.
Years go by, I remember well,
Intense love, how my heart does swell!
On that February date,
Valentine, my life long soul-mate,
I dream of that love so deep,
You promised I would always keep.
In my heart, You will remain to be,
Valentine, a saint to me.