Sunday, 29 March 2009

The joy of the fair...

Today is the perfect spring day.
The sun is shining, birds are chirping - there is still a cool nip in the air but nothing like the past few weeks. The trees are changing, tiny buds are appearing and the air seems to be fresh. Is it optimism I can smell in the air?

It must just be me. The spring season arrives and my mood lifts. I feel happy, brighter and everything just feels positive. Its the start of something totally new.

Today we went to our first wedding fair since our engagement. It was fantastic! All the beautiful dresses, the gorgeous suits, jewellery, flowers and so much more. I now want everything!! We have a lot to do but I like to be uber organised so I am starting early!

I loved the excitement, the romance of it all. Looking forward to the most life changing event I will have experienced - working at making the day everything I want it to be!

"I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery."
GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter to Burwell Bassett, May 23, 1785

Oh the dresses... they were gorgeous! I hasten to add I am not a typically girly girl.. I dont like skirts or dresses or pretty sparkly things. I never have. But this is one dress I want to wear and I want to be pretty, I don't mind the sparkles... I want to lace and trim... One day only I will be the princess!

Work wise - I have a job! Ive been in this new role for a week, I like it, people are nice and I am in no position no complain. I have learnt things and have so many more to learn yet but I am eager and will do it. I do have this fabulous dress in mind!

I was getting down in the dumps. Before I got this job I was getting depressed, not medically but in terms of my mood. I was far more "down" than I let anyone know. I hated being ..nothing. It was hard, I sympathise with everyone in the same position. Applying for anything and everything - no matter what, where or how much. Sending CVs and hearing no thanks repeatedly hammers down any esteem you have. To spend time filling in forms to get a letter of rejection almost stops a beat of your heart.

Nobody can make it feel better. Nothing but getting a job can make it hurt less. To feel like your no good, usless even. To everyone- I say keep trying. Keep on. I can't say something will come along, but I can say you may get a thicker skin, rejection won't sting but be just a dull ache. Try and try again, try until you dont think you have anything left inside of you.

It may be three steps forward and two back... but it still means you get there right. Just takes longer!!

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